There are many, many reasons why. I will attempt to explain them, and don't expect everyone to understand

The first time I ever saw Scott O'Hara was back in the mid-80's. I'd just discovered gay male XXX videos and became a video hound! Mostly I would fast-forward to get to the good oral scenes. One day I came across a guy giving incredible head. The video, I believe, was SIGHS. If you saw the blow-job scene in the gym, you'd remember it clearly. I loved the way he gave head, took a dick all the way down his throat effortlessly, but more important, he looked like he was having fun!!

So, I decided to see if I could find any more videos with this new idol, Scott O'Hara. Next one I found was with Cory Monroe, who was previously my favorite gay porn actor. I first saw Cory in "9 inches" and when I watched him swallow 9 inches of black cock with ease, he was a favorite and I thought he was an awesome cocksucker. I saw Double Standards with Cory and Scott and it was quite obvious that they enjoyed doing the video together. Their kissing was real! The funny part of this was reading Scott's book, Autopornograhy, and his writing about that experience with Cory:

".... due to the presence of Cory Monroe. We hit it off in a fairly big way, he's an enthusiastic sex pig with a fondness for big dicks, so he spent a lot of the time with a look of sheer ecstasy on his face. I always like seeing that look, and so few filmic bottoms actually seem to love their work. We got along just fine, despite the fact that his cocksucking enthusiasm outstripped his abilitites; I had bleeding scratches all along the length of my dick by the time I finally slipped into a condom and into his butt".

But it wasn't just Scott's ability to give quality head, or his enthusiasm; it was Scott the person. I read interviews with him and he seemed not to think of himself as a Porn GOD. He was simply an actor in the porn industry, having fun.

I don't remember specifically WHY, but for some reason, I wrote to Scott. Actually, after I wrote that, I found out why by going through some old files. I had published my first effort, the ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES DIRECTORY. Being a total greenhorn to publishing, I proofread my work for typos, not for accuracy (yeah, dumb, I know). Well, I had the wrong PO Box for Steam. People who found out the correct address for it complained to Scott, and he wrote me a not-so friendly note of frustration. I wrote back, apologizing, told him I'd send out a correction with each new one sold, and asked him to not be angry at a huge fan and newbie in the business. (for the record, every single ALD I have published since then has been thoroughly proofread and not a single error has been found). This began a correspondence friendship that lasted until two weeks before his death. He offered to write for me and since I was in awe of his writing talent (he'd just begun doing STEAM), how could I say no?! I published and sent him a copy, and he gave me a huge lift by telling me how much he enjoyed the publication.

We kept corresponding, over the next several years, and we'd keep in touch via mail once or twice a year. He kept moving, or changing addresses, and fortunately always kept me abreast of his address. When my business really, really began to take off, I was able to talk to him publisher-to-publisher. He gave me little bits of advice :)

I am gender dysphoric, something few know about, or understand, yet Scott was fascinated with this, asking questions about this and wanting to know all he could. He'd never been with someone diagnosed as gender dysphoric and I think the idea sounded intriguing. He never judged me on that fact, accepted me as one of his own.

About a year or so ago I began thinking of doing a website devoted to and about Scott. I had 5 adult websites up at the time and wanted to do this one as a free site. One of my biggest regrets is not doing this sooner. I kept putting it off as I got busier and busier. Around Christmas of this year Scott sent me a card with a new address, and that prompted me to get off my butt and do the site. I registered scottohara.com but realized I wouldn't feel right doing this website unless I had his permission. Well, I still would have done it, but it would have said that it was unauthorized, etc.

I received the bill for $100 from InterNIC for the domain and realized if I didn't ask for permission NOW, I never would. So, on a Thursday I mailed a letter off to Scott and on Tuesday morning, got e-mail from him, the first of several. To my amazement, he was on-line!! I wrote back, trying to be business-like and professional but inside was jumping up and down and nervous as all hell. I mean, here was my IDOL and he was e-mailing me!

Here is his e-mail to me

Thanks for the letter; I'm quite flattered that you're already making plans for such a site. Naturally, I wouldn't turn down such free advertising ... I've never been exactly publicity-shy ... and I'll be glad to offer what help I can. (Not much, I fear.) As for permission to use excerpts from my books, you'd have to deal directly with the publisher on that: they've got all rights. That's Haworth Press[snip].

They also should have no objection because I know they've been making rumbles about creating just such a website -- more focused on my writings, of course, less on my film career, but nevertheless an informational site. They've already done so for one of their other authors, Steve Zeeland, and apparently it's been well-received.

Anyway ... do with it what you will ... let me know. I'm an absolute novice at this on-line stuff, so I won't be able to give you much help, but I'll certainly cooperate in any way I can.

Best

Scott

I wrote back to him right away, explaining more about my website ideas, etc, and received the following: [in case you aren't aware, his failing health was painfully obvious]

Rick -

Sorry to take so long getting back to you; it hasn't been a particularly good week. Just finished another round of chemotherapy ... which sort of answers your question about my health. Not good. But better, I'm happy to say, than a month ago, when I thought I was goin' out, and soon. Now ... well, if I can just get through another couple of treatments, I ought to be back in the saddle. (Yeah, more lymphoma. It keeps coming back. And each time, they have to come up with a new protocol for it. This one's experimental, and it's wrecking me.)

But. That's one of the nice things about this net thingy: I can handle a lot of correspondence & such without ever even having to go out to the mailbox.

[snip]

'Gender dysphoria' Nice expression. Frankly, I don't know diddly about gender roles, stereotypes, etc.; I'm just in favor of people finding out what they're comfortable with, and doing it. Being it. Okay, I'll admit to having an absolute fascination with Loren Cameron -- now THERE'S a ballsy man if ever I saw one! -- but I do try to keep it out of the objectification level. I just admire anyone who's able to separate out 'What I Want' from 'What Society Says I Ought To Want.' Not easy to do.

The past month ... whew. Mostly, it's been devoted to getting my play up & running. Ex-Lovers. It opened in mid-Jan, runs thru the 14th (maybe the 28th, if the crowds stay strong) and the production process, even though I didn't have an *official* role in it, was wracking. Response ... well, 'mixed' would be a polite way of phrasing it. Most people go to it, I think, with certain expectations: it's a Scott O'Hara production, therefore there will be lots of sex. And, well, I wanted to get beyond that. So there's a lot of TALK about sex, but relatively little of it onstage. It's more serious, more 'down,' more sentimental, than many of them seem to want. We lose about 25% of the crowd at intermission. And the reviews were not very positive. Still ... it's been an amazing experience, and I can't wait to start on the next one.

As for my being on-line ... whew, I'm just jumping all over, here; blame it on the chemicals pumping through my bloodstream, they make me a bit lightheaded ... yeah, I'm pretty terrified by this electronic monster. AOL seemed like the gentlest way to ease myself into it. I've got a tech-boy who I can call up, everytime something 'goes wrong'; he's very patient with me. I've been on for about two months, now, and I finally decided, last week, to try to get beyond aol: signed up with a local company, Sirius.com. And haven't even managed, yet, to get their browser, or whatever you call it, to work. I'm hopeless at this. There's a reason why aol is the dominant company: they make it easy for folks like me. I'll persevere. (You mention IRC, and DALnet: I'm afraid I don't even know how one gets to these realms.)

As for the last question ... well, you did ask ... "still having sex?" Oddly enough, the answer is pretty much 'no.' I know, I know, I've got a responsibility to my public, all that. Sorry. Just haven't had the interest or energy in ... well, a long, long time. Really, this is NOT a value judgment or a change of heart ... just a basic weariness. Other things are more important to me, nowadays: specifically, writing.

STEAM all the articles remain the property of the authors. We only bought one-time printing rights. My editorial commentary is up for grabs; reprint if you like. That includes all the listings, but at this late date (three, four years on) I wouldn't reprint any of them.

One more tidbit: I did send in my next book to Haworth at the end of December. I've titled it Rarely Pure and Never Simple ... we'll see if they accept that, the publisher likes to pick his own titles. It's a book of essays, bound to raise a few hackles. Hopefully it can be out by the end of the year.

I may or may not make it to OutWrite this year ... I've enjoyed going in past years, but it depends mostly on how I'm feeling in a couple of weeks. Don't want to stress myself out too much.

Sorry, once again, about the fragmented nature of this letter. That's kind of how I'm feeling at the moment. But I wanted to get *something* off to you, before you began wondering which edge of the world I'd fallen off of.

Best,

Scott

That was February 1 and sadly, it's the last I heard from him. My gut feeling told me his health had deteriorated rapidly but I didn't want to believe it. I also didn't want to pester him with the website and didn't write back to see how he was until Feb 15. I got no response and began to worry. Fortunately someone made inquiries for me and gave me the devastating news that Scott was in the hospital, in critical condition. I immediately called the hospital to find out how he was. Oy, do I regret this next part.... the nurse offered to put my call through but knowing he was with his significant other, family and friends, I didn't want to interrupt his visiting time. I'll never forgive myself for not saying yes and talking to him. Never.

I was messaged on DALnet that night that Scott had suffered total renal failure and was going home, via ambulance, at his own request, to die. I have a medical background and just froze at hearing that, because once your internal organs shut down, you die. I cried for a while, praying for some miracle, all the while cursing HIV and AIDS. I was pretty much out of it that night, and friends couldn't get through to me. This man, this idol of mine, was dying and there wasn't a damned thing I could do. The next morning I was informed he had passed away. I spent the day crying and swearing to get this website up FAST and let everyone know what a terrific, intelligent guy he was.

I had told Scott I intended to keep this a free website with a few paying banners to pay the bills. Any income over and above bandwidth usage would be donated to the charity of his choice, and I thought AIDS charities would be a good one. However, a friend of his had a better suggestion, one I plan to use - a sex organization, since Scott lived -- and died -- because of sex. No one individual gave his whole heart and soul to the sexual experience. If it was out there, Scott wanted to try it.

Now, before someone says "all fags get AIDS, it's their own fault", let me remind you that Scott began doing adult videos waaaaay before AIDS/HIV was known. The sex industry has changed dramatically, at least in the homosexual video scene. Condoms are required on all sets. In the heterosexual community though, most adult videos feature cum-swallowing and that's considered high-risk by some experts.

But, I'm not here to editorialize on safe sex. I'm here to celebrate the life and times of Scott O'Hara, the man, the writer, the adult movie actor and the nicest man you'd ever meet. If you had ever met Scott in any way, he touched your life like no one else ever will. Scott was not just a porn actor or porn star. Scott was not just a man with a big dick. Scott was not just a good cocksucker. Scott was a multi-faceted individual, an incredible writer, and what few knew until recently, a major contributor for gay causes. Scott not only talked the talk, he walked the walk.

I'm happy knowing Scott is now living in a pain-free world, a better place for him, and is at peace.