"STEAM Magazine, which I edited and published for three years, was an ivory tower for me." "Most of these columns talked about dick. Talked about it in theory, if not in fact. Mused about why it is that we can't talk about it, and why it should be so important in our lives. Thse are the things that fascinate me most, these days. A nice rousing public debate over the propriety of dick pictures in the window of a bookstore is more interesting to me, I'm afraid, than the thought of going out and sucking some real live dick. How the mighty have fallen. I do feel that I got just as much pleasure from writing about these essays as I ever did from my 'field reasearch " for STEAM. These pieces were the kernel of this book (and a few of them were expanded into longer pieces for other purposes). Some of them will undoubtedly offend you. Tough shit. None of my writing has ever been about winning friends in high places, and I make no apologies for these essays." Back to top

Making Porn: The Hangover

"I was an actor manque` in high school; I've always dreamed of being on the professional stage. (My jack-off careerk though very enjoyable, doesn't quite count. Equity never noticed me). So when Ronnie Larsen suggested that I really ought to go onstage in his new play, Making Porn (which was, after all, based on scenes from my porn career, which I'd narrated to him in half a dozen endless telephone calls), there was no way I could resist the lure." "And in all my years of fucking for money, I never met a producer or director as slimy and unscrupulous as that pair." Back to top

GWM, 35, Horizontal, Versatile, Asleep

"I decided to spend an afternoon at the baths, and I started with a peaceful snooze in the video room. Before going to sleep, I had taken time to pacify my throat with just one dick, belonging to a straight-looking young man wearing brown underwear, who shot a healthy load down my throat. I lai down, after he'd gone his way, with perfect assurance that I wouldn't sleep the whole day through." Back to top

Better Than Sex

"Okay, now I'm going to make a value judgment, and it's going to be one that will make a lot of you shake your heads sorrowfully, sure that I've finally gone off the deep end. Talking is better than sex. Now that you've mentally confiscated my Queen Membership Card, let's go into details." Back to top

Feeling A Little Queer

"I don't live my life according to what "they" will think of me, or of "the gay community." I don't think anyone is liable to mistake my voice for "the voice of the gay community," and my actions are predicated on standards that are uniquely my own. I don't proselytize; I don't even assume that my standards, perspectives, and opinions would be appropriate for anyone else, much less the community, at large. (How open-minded can you get?) Hanging around with gay community leaders -- as is almost inevitable in San Francisco -- certainly gives me a feeling of being, well, a littl queer. Fortunately, I am accustomed to that." Back to top

The Opinionated Pervert

"Another example came to mind immediately: Amendment 2, in Colorado, which prohibiited local governments from passing "gay rights" laws. believe it or not, this is a borderlin issue for me. Yes, I'm sure that many of the backers of the amendment were motivated by small-mindedness and bitory, but that doesn't change the fact that this was an initiative designed to curtail the power of government, rather than extend it. And you know, frankly, I think that anyone who relies on governmental fiat to change socieat is the same sort of person who is in danger of mistaking Fantasia for a documentary on dinosaurs." Back to top

Breaking The Rules

"Living by the rules. That's wat they're talking about. I don't live by those rules: I haven't since I was a teenager. When I came out, it was with a declaration that the entire rule book was full of shit, and I was ready to make up my own rules. I've tried to do that, ever since. That's what being queer is all about, and no wannabe mommy in editor's clothing is going to put me back in the paternal straitjacket. Sexuality may not be the whole of my personality, but neither is it a bargaining chip, to be traded away for acceptance. I have nothing against the monogamy and sexual restraint urged upon us by the mouthpieces of middle-class morality; monogamy and restraints can both be wonderful things. It's just the presumption that raises my hackls. The presumption that "Mamma knows best." Hell, it's enough to make me want to start up a magazine about public sex, just to irritate them." Back to top

Through A Maze, Darkly

"The Baths ... that phrase conjures up so many images to me." "Did I have sex in the hot tub? Undoubtedly -- though the generally accepted practice was to catch someone's eye, then get out, spend an inordinate amount of time showering and drying off, then saunter over to the steamroom (with a meaningful glance back at your potentioan partner). Once inside the steamroom ... well, my modus operandi was to lie face down on the bench that bisected the room. If my quarry didn't find me, someone else soon did. It hardly mattered. At the baths, a dick is a dick is a dick." Back to top

Hot Nights In the Deep Freeze: Porn In The Nineties

"Katharine Hepburn is alleged to have said, in reference to pornography, that sex couldn't be acted. Blasphemous it may be, but I agree with her. Oh, not literally. Yes, sex can be acted. Look at Jeff, or Rex, or Ryan. I just don't like the result. And, unfortunately, that's the Philosophy of Porn that perdominates these days. Get a good looking model, tell him to close his eyes and think of Sharon Stone. Gay men'll salivate, and cash registers bells will start ringing." Back to top

Taking Photos

"I never took photos of Martin. Photos, for some strange reason, are something you most often take of people younger than yourself. Perhaps it's a mystical attempt to recapture their youth. Martin was thirteen years older than I, an adult, and I worshipped him, but I woulnd't have thought to photograph him even if I'd had a camrea, which I didn't. When I next saw him, several years later, our respective status had equaled somewhat; the passage of time will do that. His eyes were still as seductive as ever, and the scent of his armpts was still my ideal aphrodisiac." Back to top

Learning To Love The Bomb

"In 1990, for a number of reasons, I fled to a rural retreat where I wouldn't have to deal with sex. For the next two years, my only sexual encounters came on my infrequent trips back to San Francisco, Chicago, or New York. Life was good. Then I met a man and asked him to move in with me -- a requests that I now count as the worst mistake I've ever made. For three years, my life gradually deteriorated -- and my potency along with it. In the past two years I've managed to get a good solid hard-on about ten times, and it hardly seems worth trying". Back to top

If you would like to order this book, click here for order information

reprinted with permission. COPYRIGHT BY THE HAWORTH PRESS. INC., 10 ALICE STREET, BINGHAMTON, NY 13904. REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER. FROM RARELY PURE AND NEVER SIMPLE, Selected Essays of Scott O'Hara, by Scott O'Hara: